My Gram means everything to me, and the fact that I now have to go on living without her seems impossibly cruel. I feel a million emotions all at once when I think about what happened, but mostly I feel so guilty that I was not there with her. I missed the opportunity to spend those last precious days with her and for that I probably will never forgive myself. None of us could have seen this coming I suppose, but I wish we had. I wish she had asked me for help, asked me to stay home.. asked me anything. But she wouldn't have. She always put me first. I wish she hadn't this time.
By the time I made it home she was nearly completely unresponsive. For 3 straight days I sat in that hospital and watched the life drain out of her until she took her last breath. It seemed at the time like some kind of horrible nightmare I couldn't wake up from. 2 months have passed since then and I still feel like I am in a horrible dream I can't wake from. Every single day I think about it, and I still cry like it just happened.
She is the most selfless person I have ever known. Sometimes she drove me nuts.. but sometimes I was a real pain in her ass too. That is what family is for I suppose. No matter how much you drive each other crazy you are still family and that's all that counts in the end.
Fuck my life. I can't even write about it without crying. Here are some pictures of the most beautiful woman in the world: my Gram. Talk amongst yourselves...
Gram's Obituary- for those who didn't see it
|Me and Gram in 1990 and 2011|
If you ever had the pleasure to know my Gram, you know she was the bomb.com and no one will ever replace her. I miss her every second of every day. All I can say right now is....