Thursday, September 5, 2013

My Grandma is the Best by Far...

As long as I can recall, my Gram had a cookie jar in the kitchen that reads: "My Grandma is the best by far, because she has a cookie jar...". While it is true that my Gram did always have a cookie jar, that is not the reason she is the best. She is the best because she was one bad-ass old lady who didn't take any crap from anyone.

My Gram means everything to me, and the fact that I now have to go on living without her seems impossibly cruel. I feel a million emotions all at once when I think about what happened, but mostly I feel so guilty that I was not there with her. I missed the opportunity to spend those last precious days with her and for that I probably will never forgive myself. None of us could have seen this coming I suppose, but I wish we had. I wish she had asked me for help, asked me to stay home.. asked me anything. But she wouldn't have. She always put me first. I wish she hadn't this time.

By the time I made it home she was nearly completely unresponsive. For 3 straight days I sat in that hospital and watched the life drain out of her until she took her last breath. It seemed at the time like some kind of horrible nightmare I couldn't wake up from. 2 months have passed since then and I still feel like I am in a horrible dream I can't wake from. Every single day I think about it, and I still cry like it just happened.

She is the most selfless person I have ever known. Sometimes she drove me nuts.. but sometimes I was a real pain in her ass too. That is what family is for I suppose. No matter how much you drive each other crazy you are still family and that's all that counts in the end.

Fuck my life. I can't even write about it without crying. Here are some pictures of the most beautiful woman in the world: my Gram. Talk amongst yourselves...

Gram's Obituary- for those who didn't see it

Me and Gram in 1990 and 2011

If you ever had the pleasure to know my Gram, you know she was the and no one will ever replace her. I miss her every second of every day. All I can say right now is....


No comments:

Post a Comment