Thursday, September 29, 2011

Ways to annoy a wildlife biologist :

As a seasonal wildlife biologist, I encounter a lot of people with a lot of questions..

"I saw a bird, it was big and brown. What was it"? Seriously people, get a bird guide.

"When are you going to get a real job"? (Because monitoring the health of our worlds ecosystems and tracking endangered species is not a "real" job). Would you prefer I work at some call center somewhere? That's clearly more important.

"Is this ever going to turn into a full time position"? Apparently other people jump right out of college into full time careers. Because people ask me this all the time as if no one else does internships or has to work their way up the ladder. Furthermore- I am 27 years old. I do not have kids. I do not own property. Right now I get paid to live and work in some of the most beautiful places in our country. I don't have to pay for housing. If you ask me, my life is pretty sweet.

Yesterday someone asked me "have you ever considered working for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Agency? Have you ever heard of that"? No Sir, I have never heard of the government agency responsible for managing our nation's wildlife. Apparently wildlife biologists come across as really stupid.

" I rescued a baby bird in my yard, what should I feed it"? Newsflash people - you did not "save" that baby bird. Actually you just signed it's death warrant. I appreciate that you want to help, but next time consult a professional before you "help". Wildlife rehabilitators are already swamped nurturing "rescued" baby squirrels and bunnies. These poor souls never sleep as it is dont make their job harder. Leave the bird alone he is trying to learn to fly!!

"I saw a piping plover in my driveway". No you didn't it was a killdeer.

"I'm tired of these birds getting more government attention than people". I usually don't even respond to these types Of asinine comments. Right, the few million dollars dedicated to endangered species management totally outweighs the billions spent on all things human. Go fuck yourselves people. And while you're at it, quit bitching about not being able to drive on the beach. Seriously, these birds need three months to rear their young. Get over yourselves and wait til august to fish from your tailgate you fat lazy fuck. Or, *gasp* WALK to fish.

Lastly- I am not a vet, or a wildlife rehabilitator, I don't work at a zoo, and I don't know whats wrong with your dog. I am a wildlife biologist. I monitor endangered and non-game wildlife species, and I assess ecosystem health. I work to remove invasive Plant species to restore native ecosystems. I do a lot more things than that. I drive boats I drive trucks I drive atvs. I enter data and I write reports. I trap birds, I band birds, I weigh them and measure them. The duties of a wildlife biologist are seemingly endless. But at the end of the day, I consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet because I love what I do.

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