Dear Alyssa Milano...

Dear Alyssa Milano,


Please stop begging me for money to save the children. I appreciate the work you are doing for UNICEF, but I do not have any money to spare. Last week I sold all my jewelry to put gas in my tank and food in my stomach. This week I had to spend all of my christmas money on an awesome trip to a walk-in clinic on new year's eve because of my sinus infection from hell.

Long story short, Alyssa, I do not have 50 cents a day to send you to feed that adorable little starving child. Begging me at every single commercial break is not going to change the fact that I do not have any money to send you. Please stop. Seriously.

I bet you are still earning royalties for Who's the Boss and Charmed re-runs. And I see you are now making Lifetime made-for-TV movies. I am sure you can spare enough change for the both of us.

While you're at it, tell Sarah Mclachlan to knock it off with the ASPCA commercials. I give all my spare change to the animal shelter whenever I see a donation can around town. Singing sappy songs and showing injured puppies does not make me want to donate it makes me want to change the channel.

Sincerely,
  Audrey