Field Guide to Annoying Customers

Here is a guide to identifying common customers of the New England Region during the holiday season and all year round.

1. The Needy Rich Woman (Overwealthius painintheasseae)

This customer will usually be shopping alone. In fact this customer is probably alone all the time because her husband can't stand her and her children probably prefer to spend time with their nanny who actually raised them.

This customer will find the first sales associate who will listen and immediately cling to them, probably calling them by name. They will insist that the associate help them find clothes for themselves and their family. They will most likely ask the associate to model some item of clothing, claiming that they are the same size as their son or daughter. Being asked to model clothing for someone will generally give you a creepy and uncomfortable feeling.

The Needy Rich Woman has way too much money for her own good, yet will continue to demand to know whether the item she is looking at is on sale, or will be soon. Often the Needy Rich Woman will be dressed in a style similar to a homeless person, despite their vast wealth and ability to buy nice clothing. No scientists have been able to determine the cause for this behavior.

The most puzzling behavior of the Needy Rich Woman is her need to come return the items she has purchased. I am deducing that this is just a reason to return to the store, and reunite with the sales associate with which they have imprinted upon.

While the Needy Rich Woman is actually harmless, do try to stay away. Once they have imprinted, they will return often to monopolize your time and patience.



2. The Clueless Husband (Cluelessius moronius)


The Clueless Husband will inevitably wait until the last possible second to shop for his wife. This phenomena occurs before all major holidays, particularly Valentines Day, Mother's Day, birthdays, anniversaries, and Christmas and/or Hanukah.

The Clueless Husband can typically be seen holding up two completely unmatching items trying to determine if they could possibly go together. If he catches a glimpse of you, he will immediately look you up and down to see if you resemble his wife enough to try on the items he has selected. If you are unfortunate enough to roughly match the physical aspects of his wife, he will then demand you try the items on. He will then proceed to stare at you with a puzzled look, because of course men are completely incapable of selecting women's clothing. I have yet to figure out why they still try.

Eventually, he will select a few items he thinks his mate will like. When he gets to the register he will either demand gift wrapping of the items, or he will give the cashier a sad face. Some cashiers are immune to the Clueless Husband, others will give in and neatly place the items in gift boxes for him. It is almost guaranteed that the items will be exchanged or returned the next day or soon after. As the Clueless Husband is incapable of accurately picking out women's clothing, the wife will surely be in to correct his mistakes.



3. The Heinous Bitch (Personus terriblis)


The Heinous Bitch is a special kind of customer. This customer, while typically female, can occasionally present themself as a male.

The female form will almost certainly immediately give themselves away. They can not even pretend to be nice. They will be completely impatient, irrational and rude. If you do not have the item they seek, this will only irritate them further. If they make it so far as the purchasing stage, they will most likely be sure to make a complaint about another employee or the store in general. You will quickly learn that this customer is completely impossible to please. Your best bet is to just smile and try to get them out of there as quickly as possible. The Heinous Bitch will go out of her way to ruin your day. Do your best not to let them get to you.

Little more need be said about the Heinous Bitch. If you work in food service, go ahead and spit in their food. Those of us in retail are unable to get our revenge.



4. The Terrible Parent (Parentus nonexistentius)


The Terrible Parent will blow your mind. Their children will run freely through out the store, doing whatever they please. The Terrible Parent does not care. In fact, they seem to bring their children to the store for this very reason. If the children are off running somewhere, they need not be bothered with them for a period of time.

The children will be loud, obnoxious, and unruly. They will run around the store, knock things down, and touch things they shouldn't. The Terrible Parent will either not notice or not care. Often, the offspring will demand The Terrible Parent buy them things. They will of course give in, as they have never said no to their offspring before. Why would they start now?

By the time this clan is ready to leave the store, you are probably ready to chase them out with a shot gun. Try to resist the urge. While The Terrible Parent lacks parental instincts, they will still defend their offspring against major threats. Remain patient until they have left the building.



5. The Complete Imbecile (Personus stupidus)


Sometimes, a customer will come in and ask you a question that is so stupid you have to hold your breath in order not to laugh in their face. You might think they are joking but they are not. This is The Complete Imbecile.

They are a harmless species. They have no ill intentions. They are just dumb. It's not their fault.

Just unscrew the water bottle top and instruct them how to drink.

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Those are just a few of the commonly seen customers of the region. We will discuss The Long Winded Talker, The Cheap Bastard, and The Overprivileged Young Man at a later date.

Christmas Music I Don't Hate

Here is the only christmas song that does not make my left eye twitch...

It's Christmas in Retail...

Well it's that magical time of the year where people start buying shit they don't need for people who don't want it.

Just a note to all you holiday shoppers- don't yell at the sales girl who is only trying to help you. (I know your name and address and I WILL mail you a box of dog poo if you keep up the attitude lady). Also- I hope you caught my illness when you asked me to repeat myself five times though you clearly saw that I could hardly speak you crazy bitch.

Merry Freakin Christmas.

Happy Halloween?

Halloween in CT this year did not go as planned. Not just for myself, but for the entire state.

I am not going to complain about my situation, as I never lost power during the random unexpected October blizzard. About 950,000 homes and businesses lost power as a result of the storm (According to the Associated Press). As of yesterday, the numbers had dropped to about 500,000 which is certainly better but not ideal. Fortunately the temperatures have not been dropping too low this week, but its still too cold to be sleeping in a house with no power. They say 99% of people will have their power back by Sunday but we'll see what happens.

The saddest moment of my Halloween weekend was not really having anywhere to wear my custom made Piping Plover costume, which took me two weeks to compile. I put it on twice, for like an hour each time. Oh well. I will save it for next year! Maybe I will make myself a green flag as well. Right now you can't tell if I am a Missouri River or Platte River plover, how embarassing!

Ode to My Little Silver Car

In September of 2004 I made the difficult decision to sell my '92 Honda Civic hatchback in order to buy my '00 Honda Civic hatchback. It was tough to see my little red car go, but she lived a long happy life with a very nice family in Pennsylvania. She lived well into her 200,000's.

I purchased my beautiful '00 silver beauty with a mere 20,867 miles on her from a Saturn Dealer in Harrisburg, PA. I paid cash and brought her home the same day. It was love at first sight and I am happy to report we are now celebrating our 7 year anniversary together.

Little Car has driven me back and forth across the country east to west and north to south and back again. Currently, she has 168,000 miles on her and she has a lot of life left in her.

For 6 months we lived in Albuquerque. She loved it there:

A view from our front yard in New Mexico.

Unfortunately Little Car suffered some severe trauma on Cinco de Mayo in 2005. I was slated to drive back to CT that week, but I got myself into a bit of trouble, as you can see below:

Ouchies.

Thank goodness for car insurance, that's all I have to say about that.


She has put up with all my abuse for 7 years now. She has survived hurricanes, tornados, dust storms, hail the size of golf balls, floods, and blizzards. She has been nearly totalled twice. She has driven me across 41 states and back again, adding up to nearly 150,000 miles. I hope she never dies.

Little Car checking out the flood waters in South Dakota

Ways to annoy a wildlife biologist :

As a seasonal wildlife biologist, I encounter a lot of people with a lot of questions..

"I saw a bird, it was big and brown. What was it"? Seriously people, get a bird guide.

"When are you going to get a real job"? (Because monitoring the health of our worlds ecosystems and tracking endangered species is not a "real" job). Would you prefer I work at some call center somewhere? That's clearly more important.

"Is this ever going to turn into a full time position"? Apparently other people jump right out of college into full time careers. Because people ask me this all the time as if no one else does internships or has to work their way up the ladder. Furthermore- I am 27 years old. I do not have kids. I do not own property. Right now I get paid to live and work in some of the most beautiful places in our country. I don't have to pay for housing. If you ask me, my life is pretty sweet.

Yesterday someone asked me "have you ever considered working for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Agency? Have you ever heard of that"? No Sir, I have never heard of the government agency responsible for managing our nation's wildlife. Apparently wildlife biologists come across as really stupid.

" I rescued a baby bird in my yard, what should I feed it"? Newsflash people - you did not "save" that baby bird. Actually you just signed it's death warrant. I appreciate that you want to help, but next time consult a professional before you "help". Wildlife rehabilitators are already swamped nurturing "rescued" baby squirrels and bunnies. These poor souls never sleep as it is dont make their job harder. Leave the bird alone he is trying to learn to fly!!

"I saw a piping plover in my driveway". No you didn't it was a killdeer.

"I'm tired of these birds getting more government attention than people". I usually don't even respond to these types Of asinine comments. Right, the few million dollars dedicated to endangered species management totally outweighs the billions spent on all things human. Go fuck yourselves people. And while you're at it, quit bitching about not being able to drive on the beach. Seriously, these birds need three months to rear their young. Get over yourselves and wait til august to fish from your tailgate you fat lazy fuck. Or, *gasp* WALK to fish.

Lastly- I am not a vet, or a wildlife rehabilitator, I don't work at a zoo, and I don't know whats wrong with your dog. I am a wildlife biologist. I monitor endangered and non-game wildlife species, and I assess ecosystem health. I work to remove invasive Plant species to restore native ecosystems. I do a lot more things than that. I drive boats I drive trucks I drive atvs. I enter data and I write reports. I trap birds, I band birds, I weigh them and measure them. The duties of a wildlife biologist are seemingly endless. But at the end of the day, I consider myself one of the luckiest people on the planet because I love what I do.

Happy Birthday To Me

Yesterday was my birthday. I drank too much rum. Cheddar enjoyed himself as well.

That would be MY sleeping bag and Thermarest pillow.

My 3 best friends in the whole wide world got together and we had a slumber party. Yes, 27 year olds CAN still have slumber parties. We've been doing this for like 12 years now we're pretty good at it.

Myself, Barb, Angie and Sam

Curtis' Excellent Adventure

Recently, Curtis and I embarked on a cross country trip. I bet you did not know Betta fish LOVE road trips. And they especially love camping. Who knew?

The first night of our trip we stayed at Niobrara State Park, in Niobrara, Nebraska. Curtis was loving the great outdoors.

 After we left Nebraska, we spent the night at a Quality Inn in Indiana.

We also spent a few days hanging out at Bill's family's dairy farm in western New York. Curtis stayed in the cabin in the woods most of the time, although he did get one ride on the Kubota. I wish I had thought to take a picture. After all was said and done, Curtis spent an amazing 30 hours in the car last week! He is one amazing Betta fish. Now we are home. Our part-time cat, Georgia gave Curtis quite the welcoming..

The Rare, Endangered Piping Duck

This summer, the Missouri River Piping Plover crew discovered a new species, the rare and endangered Piping Duck. It can be seen below, in it's natural habitat.

(I swear, this is NOT an oversized Mallard decoy painted to look like a Piping Plover)

We decided to capture this rare bird, and bring it home for further studies. It can be seen below, brooding it's oddly shaped and sized plover babies.

The Piping Duck and it's adopted children...

What's New, Pussycat?

I'll tell you what's new.

Recently I attended the 4-H Cat Show at the Clay County Fair in Vermillion, South Dakota. I was accompanied by my friends Ben and Courtney. Let me tell you, the 4-H Cat Show is NO JOKE.

It was there that I found the man of my dreams. Unfortunately I was too chicken to ask for his number. Now I will never be able to find him again. Alas, I was at least able to snap some photos to remember him by.

We showed up to the cat show a few moments late and worried we missed some real excitement. We only missed the showing of one cat (the champion prize winning orange tabby) but we were fortunate enough to witness my dream man showing off his cat, Simia. Simia did not seem too amused to be poked, prodded, and publicly humiliated. The disturbed feline is pictured below, nestled in the arms of her handsome owner.

Simia, the second prize kitty cat

Nothing could have prepared me for the next amazing cat. A young girl named Audrey, yes Audrey introduced herself and her cat- BEN. Ben and I were awestruck at the awesome coincidence. Pictured below is the amazing Audrey, and the disturbed Ben the Cat.

Ben the Cat was not interested in being shown that day

After seeing the two cats twisted, turned, and tormented, the cat show was over. They quickly announced the winners. As there were only two participants and three cats shown, there were only 3 prizes given. The champion was the orange tabby shown below:

Ladies, don't even think about it, he's all mine

The 4-H Cat Show was the highlight of my summer. Ok, maybe not. But it certainly did provide a few hours of extreme entertainment for me.

Why I hate cockroaches:

Ok, so I will confess... I am totally 100% creeped out by cockroaches. I am not afraid of spiders, ants, bees,  worms, or any other creepy crawly really. I am bothered by the ones that bite, but overall I am generally ok with the insect world.

Cockroaches, however, are just not OK in my book.

It all started when I worked cleaning houses and restaurants with my uncle. I quickly realized that EVERY food service establishment struggles with roach control, no matter what they tell you. Also, having known plenty of people who work for pest control services, I know way more than I care to about the distribution of roaches.
 
Here is a summary of my least favorite roach moments (in no particular order)

1. Kingston, RI 2002: My dorm freshman year was located immediately next to a dining hall. We had tile floors. The roaches were so big you could HEAR them scuttling across your bedroom floor at night. DISGUSTING.

2. New Haven, CT 2004:  I was cleaning a kitchen at a FANCY New Haven restaurant, when I reached my hand into a cabinet to move a stack of plates, I apparently disturbed a large number of sleepy roaches. I felt something moving, and when I pulled my hand out of the cabinet there were dozens of roaches crawling on my hand and arm. DISGUSTING. I showered twice that day.

3. Oklahoma City, OK 2005: Rachel and I were bickering about the motel we stayed at.  Granted, it was my fault we ended up at a crappy motel 6. She had wanted to stop in Tulsa but I insisted on pressing on a few more hours. My bad. At the time we were not yet 21 years old and the only motel that would allow us was the motel 6. I whined and complained, stating that I refused to stay at a motel 6 because there would be roaches. She thought I was exaggerating until we walked in and there was a roach crawling down the wall. DISGUSTING.

4. Lincoln, NE 2009: While en route from Wyoming to Connecticut, my mother and I stopped at a Holiday Inn Express. In all my years of travel a H.I.E. has never let me down. Wellllll this one did. Mom immediately noticed the GIANT 3 inch cockroach stuck in the vent directly over the toilet. It was still partially alive, turning its head occasionally. I found it difficult to shower knowing that creepy ass bug was watching me. Hotel staff refused to come and remove it. DISGUSTING.

5. Corpus Christi, TX 2010: When I first arrived in Texas, I was thrilled at the beautiful beach, and my awesome housing accomodations. I even had a bathroom to myself. Somewhere around my 3rd day a GIANT cockroach came slithering out of my shower drain while I was mid-shampoo. I won't lie --- I screamed like a little girl and jumped out of the shower. It was DISGUSTING.

6. Vermillion, SD 1 hour ago: I am laying in my bed innocently watching Cosby show re-runs via Netflix for iPhone when a cockroach falls out of the A/C vent above my head and lands on me. DISGUSTING.

7. The movie "Joe's Apartment".  What the hell MTV? Don't try to make movies. Ever again.

8. The song " The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnatti". Dad used to play that song on one of his old Dr. Demento tapes. I found it disturbing even as a child.

Lean On Me, When You're Not Strong..

(Notice the difference in wing chord and height). 

Last week, we banded a brood of plover chicks on the Niobrara River. One of the chicks was much smaller than the others. At one point in the banding box, we caught one of the bigger siblings with his wing around his baby brother. 

The runt of the litter is growing but can't seem to catch up to his siblings. When we recaptured them a few days later, the same bigger chick (we can identify individuals by their bands) was caught with his wings around his brothers again. 

The runt doesn't seem to mind his brother's arm around him, but the other larger chick does not seem interested in the group hug.

Of course we know that these chicks aren't actually hugging or even trying to protect each other, but how can you resist the urge to anthropomorphize them when they are being so adorable??

Charadrius melodus

Adult Piping Plover at Griswold Point on 7/19

My whole life revolves around this little bird... the Piping Plover. It's probably not normal for a person to spend all of their time stalking adorable little birds, but that's okay.

Can you feel the love?

I've decided that being surrounded by people who love you is never a bad thing.

The 5:30 a.m. wake up ...

During the work week I wake up at 4:30 am (5:30 eastern time).

Ordinarily, this is a good thing. I wake up, I have some tea, do some yoga, and am ready to face the day ahead.

On days off and VACATIONNNNN it would be NICE to be able to sleep in a little. I have tried staying up extra late, taking Tylenol p.m. , drinking wine, not setting alarms, etc. but noooooo. My body still insists on waking up at 4:30 (5:30 eastern) It is sad when sleeping until 6 is considered "sleeping in".

Moral of the story- I am on vacation, and don't have to be anywhere at 6 am, so why can't my body cut me some slack and let me sleep???

It is currently 5:30 am here in Providence, Rhode Island. I should be sleeping in and relaxing but instead I am wide awake writing on this damn blog. At least when this happened yesterday in CT I had some company. My favorite 5 year old in the world also has problems sleeping in. He tends to wake up very early on his own. When he came down at 5:30 we both tried to sleep in a little more. When that didn't work we watched some videos, made breakfast and laid on the couch together. Not only did I get to spend some quality time with my favorite 5 year old, but I had some company during my early morning insomnia period.

Any helpful sleep extending suggestions people???

I Believe I Can Fly

Today was my first Zipline experience. Jen and I ventured out to Barnardsville, NC to check out the Navitat Zipline Canopy Tour. We had read all the information provided by Navitat, and watched all the videos. We were (almost) totally prepared.

As it turns out, wearing Vibram FiveFingers is not allowed. Fortunately, Navitat had some loaner shoes and socks for me to wear. Unfortunately, they were black velcro sneakers that NO ONE under the age of 85 should ever wear. C'est la vie... I still got to play on the zip lines!

Everything we experienced today was exactly as it was outlined on Navitat's helpful website.  You start out with a safety talk, proceed up the mountain in some sweet UTV's and then begin the "practice" zip lines. They are two shorter lines, not far above the ground. Through out the course, the lines get longer and the trees get taller. But the progression feels natural and soon you feel like an old pro. The guides are extremely helpful, and super friendly.  Jen and I had a great time. You even get to rappel twice, and cross 2 rope bridges.

Apparently I am not at all afraid of heights or jumping from 200 foot tall trees. I loved every second of it and so did Jen :)

I would definitely go back in a heart beat. My next trip to Asheville will definitely involve a trip to Navitat, and most likely at night!

If you ignore the ugly-ass shoes it's a great picture!

Tyger

Today Team Dean laid Tyger to rest. He was a staunch guardian, loyal friend, and beloved pet. He will be greatly missed.

Tyger always believed he was a lap dog...

Dear United Airlines,

Dear United Airlines,

FFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK YYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUU.

Sincerely,

The girl who missed her flight thanks to your assholes at the check-in counter.

Ode to the Dunk

Of course I am looking forward to seeing friends and family, but there is one thing I particularly look forward to when returning to New England...

I stole this photo from someone else's blog...

In a few short days I will be re-united with my one true love... Dunkin Donuts. A small black coffee and a boston cream donut make Audrey one happy girl. (I prefer a medium coffee really, but if I forget my re-usable mug they end up giving me a styrofoam cup, which drives me insane. Perhaps the subject of how styrofoam creeps me out will be a good topic for a future blog entry).

 I do of course enjoy a good breakfast sandwich as well, but I can't help but feel that eating a croissant and a boston cream donut at one time is a bit too much (even for me).

I will be home for 4 days... let's see just how many times I can get to the Dunk in that time....

Niobrara Tar Pits

We travel to the Niobrara River 4 times a week on average. Apparently she is a hungry river. She likes to eat things. In this case, she is trying to consume my feet.

Photo credit: Courtney Culp

 A few weeks ago she tried to eat Ben whole, luckily we dug him out before she took him for good. Two days ago she ate my favorite water bottle, and one time she tried to eat our whole canoe. She likes to try to eat paddles as well, but so far we haven't let her keep any of those.

Moral of the story: Be nice to the Niobrara or she WILL eat you.

Things I Am Looking Forward To

Next month I get to fly east for some quality time. In no particular order here is what I look forward to:

- seeing real mountains in Asheville
- medium black coffee with 2 sugars from the Dunk
- going for a swim in L.I. Sound (gross, I know)
- seeing my favorite 5 year old on the planet
- snuggling with Spam and Cheddar ( that would be a person and a cat for the record)
- Doing an impressive flying squirrel impersonation at navitAt http://www.navitat.com/asheville/
- playing tetris on the super nintendo with my Gram
- celebrating life Nagy style
- cleaning some crap out of my overstuffed storage unit
- visiting the store where great adventures begin, the one and only North Cove Outfitters
- heading to Providence to see my Peter and my Rachel
- being around people who over use the term "wicked"
- just being in the one place on earth where I actually fit in

Plover Fever

Despite the flood, Plovez are still nesting :)

A Piping Plover nest amongst ancient bovine bones

Girl's Best Friend

This is Daisy:

She is the Destroyer of all things stuffed and/or squeaky

She takes great pride in her work

... I should say, she is the destroyer of all things squeaky EXCEPT for this monkey.

Daisy came to us when she was still quite young, we think she was around 1.5 years old. She had more character than any other dog I have ever known. She was a royal pain in the ass when she wanted to be, but also the best friend anyone could ever want.

She did not prefer dog food, and mostly ate pizza, ice cream, and old ham bones. She enjoyed long walks in the park, long rides in the car, and running up and down the stairs like a maniac.

I miss my dog.

Daisy

I like my dog more than I like most people. Now she is gone so I guess I better learn to like people more.

R.I.P. Daisy Dog ?/?/99 - 6/11/11

Please Don't Blame the Plovez!

I am truly alarmed at the amount of talk I am hearing about the Piping Plover being a cause of those flooding crisis. Did the plovers make it rain? No. Did the plovers make it snow? No.

Several news stories have indicated that many people are suggesting that the reason all this water is being released now is because the army corps was trying to preserve nesting habitat for the plovers and terns that nest along the river. This is simply not true, and I am relieved that the media is reinforcing that fact. I hate to think of the consequences if people truly believe the Piping Plover is to blame for their loss of property due to this flooding.

The record precipitation this past winter and spring has led to an influx of water that no one could have imagined. The army corps is doing their best with what they have.

Access Denied

As I may have mentioned, the Missouri River is closed to public access due to extremely high water levels.

Clay County Boat Ramp

Mulberry Bend Boat Ramp



The bridge back to South Dakota as seen from Nebraska (There is a crane on the far right adding rocks to reinforce the bridge for the rising waters).

The river is closed, but that doesn't stop some people. Please click the following link to read about a man who was arrested for drunkenly floating down the Missouri River in an inflatable pool:

STORY ABOUT A MAN WHO FLOATED DRUNK DOWN THE RIVER


Needless to say the river being closed has put a slight damper on our season. But never fear, we always have the Niobrara to canoe....

Sandcastles in the Sand

Today, on my day off, I got up at 6 am, treated myself with some breakfast from BK and then headed to Yankton to play in the sand. Why? Because the Missouri River is about to flood. The Army Corps is releasing water from the dams at record high rates, and I don't think anyone knows exactly what to expect. The news can explain it better than I can:

THIS IS A NEWS STORY ABOUT WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. CLICK IT.


I really enjoyed my 3 hours spent bagging sand today. It was hard work, but I got to meet some really great people. It is really nice to see everyone coming out and lending a hand. There are literally hundreds of people filling sand bags, and hundreds more helping residents sandbag their properties and move out of their homes. The task is simple, shovel sand into bags, tie bags shut, stack bags on pallets. It takes a lot of hands to accomplish this task, a shoveler, a bag opener, a bag filler, a knot tyer, and a stacker.

Some of the many hundreds of volunteers who came out this morning to fill sandbags

The fruits of our labor, ready to be picked up by residents in need.

Fortunately it seems the town I live in, Vermillion is safe from flooding. I am more than happy to lend a hand to neighbors in need though. I will likely volunteer more time over the next week.

And now let's hope those tornado threats for tonight are just that- threats.

Bed Bugs

Ok, so I don't have bed bugs. But I do have an insanely annoying allergy to dryer sheets. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone leaves their dryer sheet in the dryer and I don't find it until after I have spent the money to dry my bed sheet and towels. I can live with my towels having been affected, but it is damn near impossible to sleep in a bed that you are allergic to. Not only does it make me sneeze, but I get the added delightful bonus of feeling like I have fleas or perhaps rolled around in a bush of poison ivy. Thank goodness for Benadryl induced comas.

Why can't everyone use unscented dryer sheets? Or better yet, none at all. Liquid fabric softener is your friend.

Done ranting. Guess I'll be rocking the sleeping bag tonight!

And now for something completely different...

I certainly hope at least one of you enjoys a good Monty Python reference.

My mother says that if I have nothing nice to say, I should say nothing at all. Since I am a cranky bitch this week, I will heed her warning. I am going to let Kermit the Frog speak for me today:

Happy Sam Day!

Today is my bestest friend's birthday. I am always sad when I am not able to be with her to celebrate.

Samantha has been my best friend since we were in Mrs. Torelli's 2nd grade class together. I had previously tried to befriend her on the playground in 1st grade, but she threw sand at me. Long story short, Sam is my best friend, and has been for 20 years now. Holy crap. We are old.

Chester Fair, 2007

High School Graduation, 2002

Drunk in our living room, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMY I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!

The Rapture

Yesterday was Judgement Day. Or was it?

Today I woke up feeling like I had been severely beaten and perhaps ran over by a semi. Perhaps I was in some epic post-apocalyptic battle yesterday? Afraid not. I can now recall that I was in the front seat of a canoe that met a tree head on. I seem to have wrenched my arm out of it's socket as I tried to keep that branch from ripping my face off. I was mostly successful, as I only lost a little of my lip and a minor chunk of gums. C'est la vie. I am here to tell the story.

This is what happens when your face meets an un-friendly tree branch.

The rest is a bit of a blur. I remember being underwater and then clinging to a tree branch for a bit as I dug my phone out of it's dry bag to call for help. I also recall my 2 co-workers trying to hold our sinking canoe. Eventually we gathered our belongings, bailed out the canoe, dug out the 100 pounds of sand, and got her back afloat. The sun stayed out until we reached our car at our pull-out location 14 miles from our point of origin.

Sadly, when we got back to the car we realized we did not have the car keys. Fortunately we were able to call someone to come get us. The thunderstorms rolled over our heads dropping only a few "fat raindrops" on us as they passed over.

My crew leader Ben, as the "Rapture" was occuring 

Eventually I made it home safely. Some friends of mine from home were visiting. We drank some beers and watched the thunder and lightning. After the storm passed my roommate pointed out a wonderful thing.. a double rainbow occurred. It was fantastic.

Double Rainbow!!! (hard to see in this photo, but it's there)

Yesterday was supposed to be the Rapture. It was not in fact the end of days but it was an interesting day nonetheless...

Curtis

This is Curtis. He is one bad ass betta fish. He spends all day making bubble nests in hopes of meeting the lady betta of his dreams and making adorable betta babies. He is also on guard at all times in case his arch nemesis, Damien comes around looking for trouble. (Damien is actually just Curtis' reflection in a mirror but Shhh,  he doesn't know that).

The Long and Winding [River]

Yesterday we returned to Niobrara. This time we were victorious. We paddled our 2 canoes down 14 miles of the Niobrara River. I must confess I haven't been regularly canoeing since 2008, so my arms are a bit tired this morning.

It appears I am terrible at blogging

Typically I only have internet access through that fandangled iPhone contraption of mine. Fancy as it is, I have not figured out how to access this blog site from it. Needless to say, when I am somewhere with an internet connection it is most likely that I have forgotten my laptop or am too tired to come up with something to write.

But I digress...

Now I will share my latest favorite photo..

My crew and our Chevy Cobalt (taken with iPhone)

Recently our intrepid crew traveled to Niobrara, Nebraska to check out some new potential plover monitoring sites. As you can see from this photo the weather was fantastic (not). Apparently the town had recently planted grass alongside this roadway, causing quite a muddy mess when our Chevy Cobalt pulled over. Luckily the 4 of us were able to push her safely back to the road with a little elbow grease. Never a dull moment in the life of a field biologist.

My friend Jack

It occurs to me that I have never kept a blog before, and don't really know what to write in it. So for now I will just post photos of mine and attempt to explain the story behind them.

Black-tailed Jackrabbit (Lepus californicus) photographed through my spotting scope in Texas 

I met this fellow while doing a regular survey back in Texas. Typically, the jackrabbits are startled by our presence, and would run away as fast as possible. This individual chose to stay put, and watched me intently as I set up my spotting scope and retrieved my digital camera from my pack.

 In case you don't know I spent the last 6 months on Padre Island, TX. I recently moved to Vermillion, SD.  I grew rather accustomed to the warm weather, and spending my free time on the beach. Now I am back to wearing winter hats and gloves everyday. Sometimes my migratory lifestyle has some drawbacks.

On the road again

My name is Audrey.  I have moved 11 times in the last 5 years.


Birds migrate, why can't I?

Common Tern (Sterna hirundo) photographed by me in Maine in 2010