Unless

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not".
- Dr. Seuss

I don't really have anything important to say here, just gratuitous Lorax pictures from various places.



The best part about living in North Dakota? You can pretty much get any license plate you want!



The Lorax loves my kicks.



My favorite road trip companion. Somewhere near the badlands.



Chillin' at our sweet campsite at Devil's Tower.




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My Grandma is the Best by Far...

As long as I can recall, my Gram had a cookie jar in the kitchen that reads: "My Grandma is the best by far, because she has a cookie jar...". While it is true that my Gram did always have a cookie jar, that is not the reason she is the best. She is the best because she was one bad-ass old lady who didn't take any crap from anyone.

My Gram means everything to me, and the fact that I now have to go on living without her seems impossibly cruel. I feel a million emotions all at once when I think about what happened, but mostly I feel so guilty that I was not there with her. I missed the opportunity to spend those last precious days with her and for that I probably will never forgive myself. None of us could have seen this coming I suppose, but I wish we had. I wish she had asked me for help, asked me to stay home.. asked me anything. But she wouldn't have. She always put me first. I wish she hadn't this time.

By the time I made it home she was nearly completely unresponsive. For 3 straight days I sat in that hospital and watched the life drain out of her until she took her last breath. It seemed at the time like some kind of horrible nightmare I couldn't wake up from. 2 months have passed since then and I still feel like I am in a horrible dream I can't wake from. Every single day I think about it, and I still cry like it just happened.


She is the most selfless person I have ever known. Sometimes she drove me nuts.. but sometimes I was a real pain in her ass too. That is what family is for I suppose. No matter how much you drive each other crazy you are still family and that's all that counts in the end.

Fuck my life. I can't even write about it without crying. Here are some pictures of the most beautiful woman in the world: my Gram. Talk amongst yourselves...

Gram's Obituary- for those who didn't see it

Me and Gram in 1990 and 2011

If you ever had the pleasure to know my Gram, you know she was the bomb.com and no one will ever replace her. I miss her every second of every day. All I can say right now is....

FUCK CANCER

No End In Sight

The Laguna Madre is the only place I know where you can see nothing but mud in any direction

So Long 2012

And for my last post of 2012...

And Here It Is.. Your Moment of Zen

Too much rambling, not enough pictures lately. So here is a picture of my beloved Honda (sometime before I locked her keys in the trunk) taking in a beautiful sunset in Balcones Canyonlands National Wildlife Refuge

Not Your Stereotypical New Year's Resolution

Recently I have realized that nearly every aspect of my life is in total disarray. It would be nice to make a few New Year's Resolutions to try and rectify things, but I fear that is not enough. I need a total life overhaul. 

 For starters, I am making a conscious decision not smoke anymore. I realize it is unrealistic to expect I can just quit cold turkey, and never touch another one. But with the help of my family and friends I feel that this is something I can do. My Uncle Dominic died in 2010 after living many many years with only one lung, and here I am taking both of mine for granted. Not cool. My 81 year old Gram is struggling every day to breathe as she is missing half of one of her lungs. I can no longer abuse mine while she is suffering. 

My finances are a mess. I have never been one to plan for the future but the older I get the more I realize I need some kind of safety net. After this summer I will have a significant portion of my debt paid off and from there  I can begin saving. Better late than never, right?

My health is a mess. I am not going to go into specific detail on this blog, but I will say I am in need of some medical services that I am totally unable to afford without health insurance. That old phrase "pre-existing condition" keeps rearing its ugly head. But hopefully this summer I will be able to afford at least a modest health care plan. Eventually I hope to have surgery to correct my right shoulder, among other things. 

My personal relationships with some friends and family also seem to be a mess. I have let some slip into the cracks and I need to rectify these situations. I have to put my personal pride aside and deal with certain conflicts. It won't be easy but I'll do it. 

My belongings are always a mess, but I have truly been making great strides this year in minimizing the crap that I own. I got rid of about 5 car loads of stuff this past fall when I downsized my storage unit. I am unable to get rid of everything as there are certain things of sentimental value. I feel that the next time I go I will be able to downsize further and finally be able to remove my excess crap from Gram's house and put it all into my tiny 5x5 storage unit. Sometimes it is hard to let go of physical objects, but it is freeing once you do. My biggest fear is ending up like one of those crazy people on Hoarders, crying over throwing away a piece of trash. So I routinely force myself to purge my belongings. And I think I am better for it. 

Currently I am in a situation that is less than ideal, but the end is in sight. I can survive anything and I have much more patience than I give myself credit for. On the negative side, I can hardly afford food after paying my monthly bills. But on the positive side, I have lost ten pounds this month. You win some, you lose some. 

The Texas Belgian Waffle

It's no secret that I love hotels. But what I really love are TEXAS hotels. Why, you ask? Well I love Texas hotels because of the Texas-shaped Belgian waffles of course.

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I travel. A lot. Sometimes I camp, sometimes I stay with friends along the way, and other times I get to stay in a hotel. Most times I stay in a hotel out of neccessity. Today I am in a hotel because I feel like it. Merry Christmas to me!